Describe the real company so the reader has a clear understanding of the organization and then define your role within (or relationship to) the organization.

revise essay according to the following guideline.

RECOMMENDATIONS AND STRATEGIES FOR IMPROVEMENT

THESIS/FOCUS:

• It is unclear where your thesis statement is, follow the guidelines by placing at the end of the introduction to alleviate any confusion: Describe the recommended solution (thesis statement) and the benefits the solution will provide the target audience.

For the sake of clarity: Remember, in your Recommendation Report, your goal is to persuade your readers to take action in response to this problem.

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE – use the exercise below to craft your statement of purpose. Your STATEMENT OF PURPOSE, above all, HAS TO DEFINE a business-related problem and PRESENT a specific solution.

DEVIL’S ADVOCATE

Identify your opponent’s argument. Now refute what your opponent says point by point.

EXPLORE THE IMPLICATIONS OF THE THESIS IN YOUR CONCLUSION

o Attempt to answer the question, “So what?”

o Why is the information I provided or the position I supported in this essay significant?

o If my thesis is true, what else might also be true?

Rhetorical Structure:

Development of Ideas in required sections (one section at a time):

IV. Introduction

Your introduction is three pages long—this is excessive and needs to be edited by following the guidelines:

• Define the problem that the company needs to solve. Include any necessary contextual or background information.
• Describe the real company so the reader has a clear understanding of the organization and then define your role within (or relationship to) the organization.
• Define the target audience for the report.
• Describe the recommended solution (thesis statement) and the benefits the solution will provide the target audience.

V. Discussion (you may include more points in this section than those listed below)

You have used confusing and unnecessary subheadings—omit and make sure the topic sentences introduce the argument.

You have written 14 pages for an 8-page assignment—in revision consider seriously cutting unnecessary words and phrases and repeated information. The excessive length detracts from the strong arguments and overall recommendation.

**Make sure you address this essential point:

• Address potential opposition (in a separate paragraph or include it within particular points of the discussion)

VI. Conclusion/Recommendation

Here you use 1st person—revise to use the required 3rd person.