A satirical paper about how Patriotism is closely related to Nationalism

I need a five page satirical paper about how Patriotism in America is closely related to Nationalism. I need various uses of irony, sarcasm, and non rational persuasion in the essay such as Argumentum ad populum, ad misericordium, ad baculum and ad se rem. It needs to have evidence quoted from credible sources cited in MLA format.